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"I had the booking information open on my phone for months"

In August we held a retreat weekend for parents who are bereaved of an only child or all their children in a venue close to Bath. 45 parents gathered together in the heart of the Somerset countryside to spend time together, sharing their stories, their precious children and their grief.  Bereaved mum, Elizabeth came to a Compassionate Friends retreat for the first time and she has written about her experience at the weekend here. 

"I had the booking information for this retreat open on my phone for months – reluctant to book it; reluctant to go anywhere and talk about this pain that was stuck in my throat and suffocating me since I lost my wonderful son in October 2021 aged 24. He was my only child and my meaning for life. Very last minute I did book this retreat and arrived on the Friday evening still feeling that I had made the wrong decision – I really did not want to talk about anything to do with my son and my loss; it was my private pain.

I am writing this review because I know now that going to this retreat was the best thing I could have ever done to be able to accept my situation.

Why is that you may ask?

Well for the first time I was around a group of people ‘who got it’!!! How we lost our children was different but we were all in the same boat – I did not have to explain the feeling; try to shield the person I was speaking to; manage the uncomfortable responses when people realise your plight. I could be free of all that pressure and for once just be with the pain I carried without filter.

It was the first time since that fateful day that I actually spoke about my beautiful boy. Two volunteers also in the same position of having lost their only child sat with me during breakfast on the morning of the second day and I found myself opening up and we shared tales of our children and we laughed. Laughing has been very rare and it felt good.

The rest of the weekend we had small groups where I felt safe to share and to be blessed by the courage of other parents to share their pain as well as how they were trying to put one foot in front of the other every day. During the weekend we had a group talk which echoed this sentiment of putting on ‘comfortable shoes’ to go on the journey of grief. During the weekend I also opted to attend a writing session this was very helpful – again another way I could manage my pain and move the crushing thoughts from out of my head onto paper.

On Saturday evening we gathered together as a group of parents; with the pictures of our children; read poems and lighted candles for our beautiful children. There was not a dry eye in the room but it was so beautiful.

Everybody’s own experience will be different but for me on this journey that I am walking on my own without any meaning, going to this retreat has helped me in so many ways. I left in awe of all the parents and in some ways it served as a new beginning for me, an acceptance that my heart is forever broken but that I have to find a way to keep going. 

Thank you to all the wonderful parents that I meet for their bravery and also to the volunteers too. I also must mention the staff at Ammerdown who looked after us all and feed us so well.

I hope this helps someone decide to go on a retreat with the compassionate friends it might just be a first step to help you breathe again even if they are only shallow breaths".